FIRST COMES DATING 20 GIRLS ON A REALITY SERIES, THEN COMES MARRIAGE!

That’s right! Adam and Marcie are getting married! Naturally, you’re not surprised, and you’re eager to get all the details. So we asked Marcie, Adam’s blushing fiancé, to tell us the whole story. And here’s what she said…

Marcie:

And I thought this day would NEVER come! I can’t believe I had to wait THREE months after meeting my fiancé before he would propose to me!  I’m not sure if any girl has ever had to wait this long to have man propose to her, but I you’ll definitely agree that Adam and I have stood the test of time. It's hard to believe that just 3 short months ago (to the day!) I went on my first date with Mr. Adam and felt the first twinklings of love as he kissed me in that first date (an act I’m both publicly against and totally down for). Only in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I'd be lucky enough to marry one of the twenty men I was dating at the time! I am truly the luckiest girl in the world!

Now it's my turn to dish out the details...

Sunday morning began like any other Sabbath day. The alarm clock went off, I rolled out of bed, got ready for the day, and headed downstairs to meet up with a few TMB staffers to discuss the next season of TMB. As I said, typical Sabbath for a typical Latter-Day Saint: planning an internet dating show that copies a reality, sex-filled TV series that mocks that sacredness of marriage.

While in the midst of planning, my jovial mood was sobered when I got a text from Adam which read, "Marcie my pool is flooding and I'm not gonna be able to make it down today." I was so bummed because I would be singing a special musical number in church and really wanted him there to pay attention to me.  I mean, why else would I sing in church if not to show off to my boyfriend? Trying to figure out a passive-aggressive way to see him even though he told me he had an emergency to attend to instead of seeing me, I asked him if I could bring dinner up to Glendora after church to which he replied "I think it's better if you don't come up tonight. I'll just give you a call tonight."  Of course I didn't like that one bit. NOT. ONE. BIT. Call me tonight? AFTER the emergency? I deserve more than THAT! So I spent the remainder of the day sulking and reminding my single roommates about this problem I was suffering through.

I had to be in bed early that night because I have a very important career. I washed off my makeup, put on my pjs, and crawled into bed with my scriptures. Adam and I have been reading a chapter a day from the Book of Mormon. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. I just thought you should all be aware of my scripture reading habits.

But I had a hard time focusing on what I was reading, as my thoughts would continuously and co-dependingly turn to Adam, wondering if he would ever call.  So, I decided to text him and see if he could talk. His response was "I'm actually at my grandparents house helping them unclog some drains in their backyard. It's kinda a tense situation. Can we talk tomorrow?"  That's when I kind of lost it. LOST. IT. I did what any girl would do and started screaming. Helping his grandparents??? I’m his girlfriend!!! How dare he see to the needs of his grandparents! I’ll show HIM a “tense situation!”

I buried my nose back in my scriptures in anger and started into another chapter, looking for ANYTHING that suggests a man should see to the needs of his elderly relatives, when suddenly there was a knock on my bedroom door. It was my roommate, holding two valium and wondering how all of my bedroom furniture got broken. I welcomed her in as she placed a computer on my lap and said "I need you to look at this video I've been working on to promote our series. Let me know what think." And before I could say anything she was gone down the hall.

I pressed play and my heart began to race!!! At first I was in shock! Then my mind started to race..."Is Adam really downstairs? What is he doing here? What does he want to give me? I love it when he gives me things! Are his grandparents OK? Who cares?! Oh my gosh I'm in my ugly pajamas with no makeup on! Do I change? Do I put my makeup back on? He’s never seen me without my make-up! And he’s not going to! What do I do? Kill! Kill!" The voices in my head simply wouldn’t stop! So I just quietly tiptoed my way down the stairs. That's when I saw the video camera pointed toward the dining room and Adam hiding behind the corner on bended knee!!!

The feelings I felt next are indescribable! But let me describe them for you! I was so 100% surprised by the whole thing and so incredibly happy and madly in love with the man down on bended knee that I just couldn't contain my emotions! I'm sure you saw, as we video’d this most intimate of moments so everyone could see how great we are! It was a moment of absolute perfection. Better than anything you’ve ever experienced! I have never been happier than in that moment when he asked "Will you marry me?" YES ADAM!!! A thousand times over. YES, I will marry you! FINALLY!

So much for an early bedtime!  The rest of the night was spent kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, cuddling, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, kissing, calling our families, more kissing, and more calling! And kissing! It was all too perfect!  I still can't believe it's real. I've been staring at my ring every 5 minutes and pinching myself just to make sure it's not just a dream!  It's truly a fairytale ending...or beginning, depending on how you look at it! And kissing!

My thoughts about the divine inspiration of The Mormon Bachelorette journey have only been confirmed by the happenings of last night.  And that’s EXACTLY what this internet show has been – Divine Inspiration! The will of God, on Earth, through us. Does that make us prophets? Does that make ABC TV prophets? Who are we to say? 

The important thing is that Adam and I are so madly in love and plan to be married! What a blessing to have finally picked the man of my dreams from the mere twenty men I was dating at the time!

And MOST IMPORTANTLY, Adam got me exactly what I wanted!  And isn’t that what marriage is all about? Believe me, I went into GREAT detail about EXACTLY what ring he had to buy me. It's a custom-made split-shank prong, micro-pave diamond encrusted ring, fitted with the most beautiful cushion cut diamond! I made that VERY clear! If he wanted me to say “Yes,” he was to get me that EXACT ring. So, I guess I wasn’t THAT surprised he proposed. But, isn’t it more fun to pretend?

I am obsessed!!!

Get Buck Nekked

The applications for The Mormon Bachelor have been pouring in and we’re really excited!

OK, OK – we KNOW the last time we did this show, we told you the SAME thing. Then, when the show started, we revealed we didn’t have enough contestants. We begged some people to go on dates with our Bachelor, and were still desperate enough to fill in empty space with a joke date, “The Priesthood Pony.”

But this time, we can assure you that we’re not lying about all of the applications were getting! We swear! Seriously! We promise! What…? Why are you looking at us like that? Stop it! No, we’re not twitching! We’re just…. WEHAVELOTSOFAPPLICATIONSANDWEREREALLYPOPULARNOWSHUTUP!

We only have a few weeks left until we close the window for bachelorette applications and we want you to get to know the real Buck.  Send in your questions for Buck to mormonbachelorshow@gmail.com and put "Get Buck Nekked" in the subject line. Buck himself will respond!  Trust us, there is more to Buck than his ability to reenact his favorite movies and we want to make sure that none of you miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime to get to know the real him!

Introducing… THE NEW MORMON BACHELOR: BUCK NEKKED!!!

As you know, because we’ve told you many times, the first season of The Mormon Bachelor was a HUGE success! After meeting and making out with over 20 amazing girls, Adam finally picked the love of his life! And after she told Adam she was only on the show to have fun and didn’t actually want to date him, Adam picked another girl! And after she also passed up the opportunity to date him, Adam turned to the next girl. And THAT girl is the love of Adam’s life!

Adam and Marcie are now literally the happiest two people on Earth!

It’s no secret that Adam and Marcie have VERY BUSY lives. In fact, they both have JOBS! But they STILL find time to pose for pictures together, showcasing their love, and even manage to post those pictures on the Internet.

We don’t want to overstate this, but no couple has ever had a relationship has strong or as meaningful as Marcie and Adam.  In fact, if you’re in love, it’s safe to assume that your relationship is a CRAP compared to these two. But that’s no surprise, as the Mormon Bachelor is a guaranteed formula to achieving eternal love.

And now… THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

We waited many long weeks to get video applications to be the new Mormon Bachelor! And after none came, we decided to just go with a guy we already knew! There is no one more deserving than our own BUCK NEKKED! 

Rather than show us who he is as a person, Buck put together an AMAZING application video, splicing himself into movies he knew everyone likes! Sure, you won’t learn anything about Buck while watching the video (beyond what he does for a living, which he mentions several times), but you will get to see clips from some great movies!

Selecting the new Mormon Bachelor is a tough process. But once Buck showed us his video – and told us he’d be willing to pay for all of the dates – we knew he was the right choice!

Now it is time for all of you single females to get involved! Click on the link on the upper-left hand side of the site to apply for the opportunity to go on a date or two with Buck. Here are the rules:

1. Ladies will plan the first date. You will not have to pay for their date, but you will be required to make out with Buck.
2. If you are from out of town (Buck lives in Tooele, Utah) you will have to provide your own transportation and accommodations.
3. Applications will be accepted until December 31st.

Take our word for it - Buck Nekked is a catch! After all, why else would he be doing this? Only a person who has NO TROUBLE GETTING DATES ON HIS OWN would go out of his way to be on this show!

E-mail mormonbachelorshow@gmail.com if you have any questions and Happy Holidays!

So Long and Thanks For All The Fish!

We’d like to thank everyone who has read and enjoyed our fake Mormon Bachelor blog… but we have
an announcement to make:

We’re bored.

Don’t get us wrong - we’ve had a blast. “The Mormon Bachelorette” is hilarious and we, like so many others, have enjoyed laughing and commenting on the ridiculousness of it all. But as the time comes for the actual “show” to kick off, we find that we seem to have gotten it all out of our systems.

“The Mormon Bachelorette” is funny; we laughed, we mocked it appropriately, we grew bored with it, and now it’s time to move on.

For a moment, we thought it might be fun to continue mocking “Reality Nephi’s” Michael Scott-like need to show the world (or at least his singles ward) just how funny he apparently thinks he is. But while “The Mormon Bachelorette is, and will no doubt continue to be hilarious (albeit unintentionally), the hard reality we had to face is that “Reality Nephi” was just plain dull from the start. There just doesn’t seem to be any sport in continuing to tease him. Nephi, since you are no doubt reading this, we wanted to thank you again for following our blog so closely and even taking the time to write about us in almost all of your postings. What can we say? It’s just time for us to move on from you, too.

So this is our last posting. Thanks again for reading!

Our final thought: good luck to Aubrey and the entire staff of “The Mormon Bachelorette!” We wish you the best, and hope that each one of you is able to find someone truly amazing.

{ Bachelorette #4 - Tori the Artistic Type }

TORI: I’m from Beaver, Utah. I decided to move to Provo for the super neat social life that is here.

INTERVIEWER: Are you going to school?

TORI: No. Just here for the super fun social life. Oh wait… AND because of Adam McKay! Ehh? Ehhhh? See how I worked that in at the end?

INTERVIEWER: Clever. What’s the most fun thing you’ve done since you moved to Provo?

TORI: The most fun thing I’ve done since I moved to Provo? I don’t think I have an answer to that. You see, I haven’t actually done anything genuinely interesting. Like I said, I’m here to be social. I didn’t move here for a job, or for school, or for any reason that might actually better myself or my life. So I guess I’ll say…. umm…. I went to a concert? Is that good?

INTERVIEWER: what’s your favorite Karaoke song?

TORI: That’s easy! My favorite song to Karaoke to is “On The Wings Of Love,” because it represents my favorite Bachelor couple of all time. Here, I’ll sing it for you.

INTERVIEWER: That’s OK.

TORI: It’s my pleasure

INTERVIEWER: Please, no.

TORI (Singing): Onnnnn the wings of LOVE!...

INTERVIEWER: STOP! STOP! For the love of all that is holy, CEASE THAT NOISE!!! My ears ARE BLEEDING!

Tori stops singing and regains composure while the interviewer stops the hemorrhaging coming from his ears.

INTERVIEWER:  What kind of music do you like to listen to on the radio?

TORI: I usually don’t listen to the radio. I’m not really into “music,” unless I’m singing. I usually stick to podcasts on crafts and home decorating, or extreme right wing political radio.

INTERVIEWER: What’s one adventurous thing you’ve always wanted to do?

TORI: Ummmm…. travel all the way around the entire world.

INTERVIEWER: To where?

TORI: You know, the world.

INTERVIEWER: Yes, but can you give me some examples of specific places you’d actually like to see?

TORI: Ummm… you know. Some… countries. And cities.

INTERVIEWER: I…. see. Have you been anywhere so far?

TORI: No. No I have not. But I LOVE to travel!

Awkward silence.

TORI: That’s just because I haven’t found the right guy to go with!!

INTERVIEWER: Awwww… that is so sweet! And in no way co-dependent. So, why would you date yourself?

TORI: I CAN DO THAT???? Since when??! That is GREAT NEWS!

INTERVIEWER: No, no – it’s just a hypothetical question.

Tori sits in silence, a blank stare on her face.

INTERVIEWER: It’s just a fake question.

TORI: Ohhhhhh (giggles) I would date myself because… I’m super fun, I’m super super, and… ummm.. I’m ALWAYS up for adventure. Have I mentioned that I always like to travel?

INTERVIEWER: Yes. Maybe we should move on.

TORI: Basically, I’m a just a triple threat.  Super awesome girl.

INTERVIEWER: Yes. Please. Let’s move on. What’s your ex-boyfriend’s favorite physical feature on you?

TORI: Hmmmm…. probably the fact that I was not taller than him.

INTERVIEWER: So why are yous till single?

TORI: I’m still single because …. I’m just like Jennifer Aniston.

INTERVIEWER: What does that mean?

TORI: Well, she’s really famous and beautiful, but she’s still single, right?

INTERVIEWER: Right.

TORI: Then yes, exactly. I’m just like her.

INTERVIEWER: You only have ten seconds until dying, and only Adam is around. What would you say, or do, in that final ten seconds?

TORI: Ummmm….

They sit in silence for twenty seconds.

INTERVIEWER: OK, let me try this again. You only have TEN seconds to answer this question.

TORI: Right.

INTERVIEWER: OK, go!

They sit in silence for another twenty seconds.

INTERVIEWER: OK, again. Ten seconds.

TORI: Uh huh.

INTERVIEWER: You need to answer the question.

TORI: I’m just trying to think of something really good.

INTERVIEWER: Ok, but, see, the point of the question is that you only have ten seconds. We want to see what you can come up with spontaneously. Right off the top of your head.

TORI: Ohhhhhh. OK. I get it now.

INTERVIEWER: OK, so – you only have ten seconds to live. You have to say or do SOMEthing. Go!

Tori sits in silence for 15 seconds, a blank expression on her face.

TORI: I’m sorry…were you talking to me?

INTERVIEWER: Perhaps we should wrap up.

TORI: I’m in it to win it!

INTERVIEWER: Yes, yes. Final question. What makes you so sure you’ll win Adam’s heart?

Tori laughs, confidently.

TORI: Hell-O? Have you READ the other applicant interviews? Mine is SO much better!

Awkward silence. From the distance, a cricket can be heard.

And He Came To Pass…

Only a few short minutes after we announced The Mormon Bachelor, we were flooded with super hot Bachelorette applications. In all humility, we’re really popular and a huge success.

But imagine our excitement when our already popular blog saw a huge spike in hits. At first, we couldn’t understand where these new visitors were coming from. After all, we certainly weren’t doing anything different than when we had first started. Yet SOMETHING was making more and more people come to our site.

So we did a little analytic research and discovered that we had gotten new visitors because another blog had been discussing our website at considerable length. And that blog ‘s name is “Reality Steve Nephi.”

Sure, we expected other blogs to visit our site and publish their thoughts and admiration, but Reality Nephi has gone above and beyond. In fact, to date, Reality Nephi has written about The Mormon Bachelor in literally 50% of his blog postings, spending half of the post discussing nothing but us. Think of that! His site is not affiliated with ours, and was created to discuss a different website… and yet he spends half of his time devoted to US.

This level of obsession dedication drove people to our website. And those people, having become fans of our site, told others. Who told others. And so on.

So we felt it was time to officially thank Reality Nephi for not only being a fan, but showing such active and unparalleled support. And to show our thanks, we wanted to give Nephi a special shout-out, and reward him by posting a real picture of him right here, on our insanely popular blog.

Thanks, Nephi! We’re honestly not sure we’d even still be doing this if it wasn’t for you!

(NOTE: The Mormon Bachelor Staff would like to stress that the above is an actual, accurate picture of Reality Nephi, and not just some prank perpetuated by the staff)

KA-CHING!

We’re thrilled to announce that “The Mormon Bachelor” has a new sponsor!

We’d also like to thank all of the companies that have offered “The Mormon Bachelor” such generous amounts of money to advertise with us and sponsor the show.  We’ve had almost as many businesses contact us as we’ve had beautiful girls!

But after much consideration, we’ve concluded that we love our fans and followers too much to clutter our website with ads from many different types of companies. At the end of the day, we decided to pick one company to be the official sponsor of “The Mormon Bachelor.” And after considering many, many ridiculously lucrative offers, we’ve chosen to partner with Website Talking Heads!

Website Talking Heads is the world’s premiere video spokesperson company and has helped companies all over the world to raise sales by up to 400%!

We’d like to thank Website Talking Heads for their extremely generous sponsorship. We’d especially like to thank WTH for the new BMW that was donated to Adam McKay (our Bachelor), and let the company know just how much our staff (and girlfriends) enjoyed the all-expense paid trip to Paris. 

But we don’t mean to brag. We realize that, these days, a blog would have to be essentially meritless to not have ANYone willing to sponsor them. But although we knew we’d have many offers, we weren’t prepared for just how insanely high these offers would be. And when the founders of Website Talking Heads! walked into our offices with two giant bags that had “$” signs painted on them, we knew our lives were about to change forever. And we knew we deserved it.

To have Website Talking Heads increase your company’s bottom line, simply click here:

http://www.websitetalkingheads.com/

Or use any of their contact info.  Tell them Adam sent you!

Website Talking Heads
245 W. 9000 S.
Sandy, UT 84070
801.748.2281